I have been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder in my late teens… Along with severe depression and suicidal thoughts… I am now a month shy of turning 34 years of age alhamdulillah. Glory be to God. My mental health has improved over the years… I have had lots of therapy and did some heavy inner work(still do)

However, there will always be leftovers from the war, the one we fled and the one within ourselves…

I have triggers…

I have an anxiety that shuts my body down hot and cold…

I have anxiety about things that shouldn’t terrify me… Like an unknown number calling me… Or an envelope that needs opening… Or an unexpected confrontation… Part of me is a little girl, terrified girl, who is scared of everyone and everything, and she goes… Like, throw me in the cell already decide my destiny I am tired of fighting… But part of me is also a dragon she keeps us going…

Trigger warning

To mention a few of the things that affected my mental health and the paths I took in life.

I have survived robbery of my vessel, rape abused…tarnished… I have witnessed loved ones being robbed (robbery of their vessels)… Their screams and silent cries… I have survived domestic violence in my mid 20es… I have survived and overcome my low self-esteem and self-sabotaging ways.

Of course, there will be remains of the past within us… We just learn a new way of life.

I don’t have nightmares anymore, I love life and I have so much to live for. If the younger me saw me today, she would be so proud of us. I’m proud of myself, the younger me, and the woman I have become.

September is suicide prevention month. Please, beloved, talk to someone. You matter!