conversation from within

14th oct. 2021

it’s a Thursday morning the sky has one giant gray cloud spread out evenly, I’m sitting in bed writing this with coffee next to me. Ah, Coffee. My youngest woke up several times last night due to pain in the ear, so now I’m in line as caller nr five waiting to speak to the receptionist at the clinic. My eldest is at school (after school program). We are on autumn holiday which is one week. And it got quite boring for my big boy without playing with his friends. On Monday he went to Oslo with his auntie and his cousin. on Tuesday, we went to a trampoline park. on Wednesday we he had football. And in between, there has been training track building(toys) jumping in the trampoline in our backyard. Riding bikes, and eating sweets. And of course, TV watching. just to mention a few things hehe but still, kids get bored easily and they are allowed to be. Now he is at school which is good for both of us hehe. They will go on trips and do fun stuff. Meanwhile, I can take my youngest to the doctor and find out why his ear is paining him. He usually sleeps throughout the night but last night he woke up several times and I sleep light I have been a hawk mom.

In six days I will be turning 33 years old. And it’s the first birthday I can remember not having an anxiety attack! From my 21 birthday every year, I used to kick myself(mentally) for not being able to fulfill an education(any education as long as I had papers to show my worth) how messed are we to measure our self-worth for what we can show off? Listen, baby, I have not completed an education. I have mastered the art of having peace within me. Mind-body and soul. I have unchained my self-worth from anything material or external vision. I have realized that I am worthy and deserving of love and utmost respect from myself to myself. and to calm the ambitious little girl in me I tell her I have completed courses where I am an instructor now. so yes, no bachelor’s degree in social work or phycology(what I wanted to study) but also, I haven’t given up on that dream! Insha’Allah(God willing) I will study be it in my fifties I will one-day Insha’Allah. And if I never do, it will be just fine.

I love the woman I have become, And I celebrate the woman I am becoming. Alhamdulilah(Glory and thank to God)

My boys are not my achievements! they are their own. little beautiful humans I was entrusted to be the vessel to carry and to raise and love unconditionally. And I would say I am doing a job raising them. Alhamdulillah hehe, allow a girl to gloat a little. My achievement however is healing from within and allowing myself to be at peace.

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