The planer from 2013

I found an old planner of mine today… year 2013… it was so beautiful… and I remember buying it for the beautiful flowers and inspirational quotes it has written on every page… a little something to inspire and awaken the wanderer in me… always in search of the greater meaning behind it all… surely life has to be more than just my tribulations… surely something good has to come my way… 

And being a woman of faith actually allow me to correct myself… no, a faithful girl for that is what I was.  a girl. At that time in love with the one I then believed or more likely hoped to be “the one” ow yes, I WAS in love with the idea of being inlove already.

If only… if only life could be browsed through and turned page by page as I am doing now skipping the embarrassing parts and hurtful pages as I take a step down memory lane, browsing through the planer from 2013.

Had I known then what I know now… apparently, I stay making the same mistakes… and once more here we are… hurt, left, confused, but this time I part take in the blame. Because I stayed.

I stayed… I stayed when you told me to give up on my passion and put down the pen. I stayed when you laid your hands on me… I even started to believe I deserved it… I stayed when you misquoted the verses from the holy book. To tame and break me.

I stayed… I stayed hating you for the hate I carried, for you and for me.

Last edited on 04/03/2018

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